Wednesday, June 02, 2004

You Know You Need a New Lawyer When…

- When the prosecutors se who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.



- During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.



- He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”



- He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”



- During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.



- He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”



- Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.



- He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.



- He places a large “No Refunds” sign on the defense table.



- Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.



- Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”



- He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”



- He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said...”



- He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.



- Just before trial starts he whispers, “The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?”



Posted by on 06/02 at 12:16 PM
Legal Humor • Permalink