Monday, May 31, 2004

Microsoft Should Make Cars --GM Should Make Software

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.”



In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating the following: “If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:





*For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.



*Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.



*Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.



*Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.



*Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought ‘Car95’ or ‘CarNT.’ Then you would have to buy more seats.



*Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.



*The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single ‘general car fault’ warning light.



*New seats would force everyone to have the same back-end size.



*The airbag system would say ‘Are you sure?’ before going off.



*Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold f the radio antenna.



*GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.



*Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.



*You’d press the ‘Start’ button to shut off the engine.



Posted by on 05/31 at 12:54 PM
Computer Humor • Permalink