Monday, June 07, 2004

Lawyer Questions

Taken from official court records nationwide, the following 20 questions were actually asked by lawyers . . .



1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?



2) Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?



3) Q: What happened then?


A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’


Q: Did he kill you?



4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?



5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?



6) Were you alone or by yourself?



7) How long have you been a French Canadian?



8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?



9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?


A: That’s me.


Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?



10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?



11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?


A: By death


Q: And by whose death was it terminated?



12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?


A: I’ll be three months on November 8th.


Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8th?


A: Yes.


Q: What were you doing at that time?



13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?


A: I used to be.


Q: How many times have you committed suicide?



14) So you were gone until you returned?



15) Q: She had three children, right?


A: Yes.


Q: How many were boys?


A: None.


Q: Were there girls?



16) You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?



17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?


A: Yes.


Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?



18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?


A: Not yet.



19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”



20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body?


A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 PM.


Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?


A: No, you stupid idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.



Posted by on 06/07 at 04:35 PM
Legal Humor • Permalink